Freedom To Marry

Saw this video on TV and had to share...



I thought these two guys were so adorable. Can you imagine being with the same person for 61 years! That truly is amazing.

Take action here:

http://www.freedomtomarry.org/states/entry/c/new-york

Also...this is so true, it made me smile!

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljklikYAn41qaon3no1_500.jpg

Lots of Love,
Jamie

Quotes about Relationships

Since it is Valentine's Day tomorrow, thought I should share these quotes that were posted on Oprah.com about relationships and marriage.

"People who say they knew right away are lying! It's a marathon, not a sprint." — Denzel Washington

"Marriage is a subject that does not give way to analysis, sadly. Who should I marry? You can make all the charts and have all the discussions, but it doesn't guarantee anything. I knew I felt right, and that's all you have. Marriage is a big bet. It's the only bet of its kind, one in which you say, "This feels right...I think I'll change everything.'" — Jerry Seinfeld

"Relationships are about kindness. You have to constantly watch what you say and how you say it." — Barbra Streisand

"There's nothing worth arguing about. I married a sensible, intelligent person, and if we want this thing to work bad enough, then it can. It's very logical. Making her happy or making her laugh is a priority." — Jay Leno

"[I realized] she didn't expect me to always have an answer for her. She wasn't coming to me for a repair. She just needed a shoulder to cry on. From then on, my relationship with my wife, with my mother, female friends, sisters, has opened up. They have become more honest, and we've gotten to know one another better. I'm no longer afraid to not know." — Blair Underwood

"When I love somebody, I like him to be around; I like him to take me out to dinner; I like to look at the sunset with him. But if not, I love him and I hope he's looking at the same sun I am. Loving someone liberates the lover as well as the beloved. And that kind of love comes with age." — Maya Angelou

Some final (for now) thoughts on marriage

I finished the book Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert recently and I really liked the book. I felt like it explored topics and questions regarding marriage in a way that I have never seen before in other books that I have read. By the end, I was anxious to finish the book because I found that it was kind of beating a dead horse. I was happy at the end when she seemed to realize that marriage is what you and your partner want it to be.

Here are some of the interesting points and facts that were raised in the second half of the book:

• Marriage does not benefit women as much as it benefits men, this is called the marriage benefit imbalance. Married men live longer than single men, they accumulate more wealth than single men, excel at their careers more than single men, ect.
  
• Women on the other hand, married women do not live longer than single women, they do not accumulate more wealth than single women, they are less healthy, do not thrive in their careers to the extent that single women do, and they are more likely to die a violent death than single women (usually at the hands of their husbands).
• A poet, Jack Gilbert, said that marriage is what happens between the memorable, in the parts that are the same everyday. "Marriage is those two thousand indistinguishable conversations, chatted over some two thousand indistinguishable breakfasts, where intimacy turns like a slow wheel."
• A Polish philosopher Zygmunt Bauman said that couples were all trying to find balance in their marriages. People are trying to have their marriages "empower without disempowering, enable without disabling, fulfill without burdening."

In the end, Gilbert realized that it was couples that have the control over marriage. I really enjoyed this part, it felt like she was reclaiming the power of marriage that she had obviously felt that she had lost or had never had.

"It is not we as individuals, then, who must bend uncomfortably around the institution of marriage; rather, it is the institution of marriage that has to bend uncomfortably around us."

I think that I am still not ready to get married, but at least while reading this book I was able to explore so many interesting things about marriage and realize some of the issues that I had with it. I agreed with Gilbert in the end, that we are in control of our own relationships. Marriages are all different. That is kind of comforting, knowing that there isn't really a normal and that we can all stop comparing notes with each other because its an individual thing. So, read this book. I think you would enjoy it!

On Marriage

I have just started reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, this morning. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Gilbert, she wrote the book Eat Pray Love, which exploded into a huge bestseller. She has also written several other books and worked as a journalist for a while. One of her journalism articles actually inspired the movie Coyote Ugly. Hollywood has also turned Eat Pray Love into a movie, which Julia Roberts is starring in. It comes out in August.

Anyway, I love to start a new book on the subway, first thing in the morning. I find delving into a new story and new characters to be a treat, like eating ice cream, and I can’t wait to read more tonight after work. I just finished A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore, a book that I would also recommend. I am very excited about reading Committed because I am hoping that it will also bring me some peace and help me to understand my own feelings about marriage.

Since I have a serious boyfriend and have recently turned 25, I have been getting more and more “pressure” to get married. I say “pressure” because that is how I interpret it and how it makes me feel when people are constantly asking me the marriage questions. I have co-workers, neighbors, family members, as well as others all dropping the marriage hints and questions from time to time. (One neighbor even told me recently just to get pregnant, then I would be sure to get Shawn to marry me…ugh thanks, but no thanks!)

For some reason, when people bring up marriage I usually just kind of laugh and say, I don’t know what is going on, or not I am not getting married next in the family. The questions always leave me feeling not to great and with lots of questions like, why aren’t I engaged? Does Shawn not want to marry me? Should we be getting married since we have been together almost four years? Since he hasn’t asked me yet, does that mean that he is never going to ask me?

Once some time has passed and I explore all of these questions and more again and again, I always realize one simple thing: I am not ready to get married. Could it be because I am only 25 and don’t see what the rush is? Could it be that Shawn and I have only been together for four years? Could it be that I have only had one job since I graduated from college and don’t feel like I have even begun exploring my career yet? Or is it because my parents are divorced and many of my friends parents have divorced, so I know what its like to go through a divorce and how awful it is for all parties involved. While a breakup are just as hard, it’s got to be easier than having to legally separate yourself from someone. I am always left feeling the same, I want to know that Shawn wants to eventually marry me, but I don’t want to get engaged or married now, and maybe not for quite some time. Who knows, this may change soon or in a long time.

I hope that I am not putting too much faith in this new book Committed, because I don’t want to feel disappointed by it. It may not bring me any peace or understanding of marriage, but I hope it does. I feel like there is more that I want to do with my life before I make that final commitment for marriage. I want to at least have worked at one or more other jobs, I want to maybe go back to school, I want to make more friends and find some more things that I am interested in getting involved in. I also can’t seem to forget something my friends mother told me once. She said not to get married before turning 30, because she said that people change a lot between the ages of 20 and 30. I don’t know if she is right or not, people probably change throughout their lives. I think that some relationships can weather the changes and adapt, while others can’t survive.

I would like to wrap this up, by saying that I love weddings and I respect my friends and family members who are planning on getting married shortly or have been married recently. I hope that they all have a lifetime of happiness together and I am glad for them that they are ready to make that commitment.